It need not have been like this. Saying that it hurts badly now more than ever is an understatement. This day marks over 2 decades of your leaving us, and we’ve stopped counting the years. It hurts ma. More than it did when we were still children.And of all the times, you had to visit your younger child in her dream just 2 days before your anniversary and smother her in kisses and hugs and just show a sample of what we have missed!
My stepping into the teens and the little sister into her tweens meant some milestones. But we were not prepared for the huge milestone you had set for us! Do you know how many friends it took us to tide the initial years and make those attainable ma? Takku, Geet, Sri, Vidya, Chitra, Janani, Gowri, Uma, Shoba, Aparna, and everyone in their family! If any amount of sanity prevails in our lives today, it is because of these gems. Thanking them is doing a great disservice. A note to you all dearest friends: you have grown too deep into us and we can never see you apart.
And to you ma, just want to say that I miss all of these and more and i can never find words to say it all:
- The luxury of complaining and just letting go
- Taking you for granted and expecting you to be always available
- Looking up to you for a compliment when am clad in a saree and always getting more
- Packing up bags a week ahead of the school vacations to visit you with my children, sister and her little ones
- Just sitting back and waiting for that vadaam koozhu or getting you make that yummy Mysore Pak
- Having you around to pack my maternity bags and rush me to the hospital to welcome the 1st grandchild
- Taking sides with all the four grandchildren and making your daughters the villains
- Pampering them with a secret lollipop and indulging them as your fancy leads.
- Just to be able to leave the children with you and go shopping with sis.
- Get admonished for not eating well or for poor hair care.
- Being fussed over the smallest suggestion of a pain
- And let your daughters fuss over you and take you to a doc and phone-up everyday to see if you’ve popped-in that pill!
- Planning a nice vacation for you and generally taking you places
- And in general, you would be the only person to unconditionally believe that your daughter is always right no matter how wrong she is.
As a mother of two now, I realize there are so many situations and people that I could have handled differently. We managed to come out unscathed, a little head-strong, a little too strong-willed, but are proud of how we have turned out to be.. Your not being around has imparted one strong lesson of not ‘knowing’ fear. But only till my own children and that of my sis came into this world. Now, there is just this one thing I fear and wish for. To live a long healthy life and be available when my children and grand children need me. I will. Love you Ma, for all the sweet memories you have left behind. Your grandchildren love you too and they know every loving word you uttered back then.