The mother quotient

It need not have been like this.   Saying that it hurts badly now more than ever is an understatement.  This day marks over 2 decades of your leaving us, and we’ve stopped counting the years. It hurts ma. More than it did when we were still children.And of all the times, you had to visit your younger child in her dream just 2 days before your anniversary and smother her in kisses and hugs and just show a sample of what we have missed!

My stepping into the teens and the little sister into her tweens meant some milestones. But we were not prepared for the huge milestone you had set for us! Do you know how many friends it took us to tide the initial years and make those attainable ma? Takku, Geet, Sri, Vidya, Chitra, Janani, Gowri, Uma, Shoba, Aparna, and everyone in their family! If any amount of sanity prevails in our lives today, it is because of these gems. Thanking them is doing a great disservice. A note to you all dearest friends: you have grown too deep into us and we can never see you apart.

And to you ma, just want to say that I miss all of these and more and i can never find words to say it all:

  • The luxury of complaining and just letting go
  • Taking you for granted and expecting you to be always available
  • Looking up to you for a compliment when am clad in a saree and always getting more
  • Packing up bags a week ahead of the school vacations to visit you with my children, sister and her little ones
  • Just sitting back and waiting for that vadaam koozhu or getting you make that yummy Mysore Pak
  • Having you around to pack my maternity bags and rush me to the hospital to welcome the 1st grandchild
  • Taking sides with all the four grandchildren and making your daughters the villains
  • Pampering them with a secret lollipop and indulging them as your fancy leads.
  • Just to be able to leave the children with you and go shopping with sis.
  • Get admonished for not eating well or for poor hair care.
  • Being fussed over the smallest suggestion of a pain
  • And let your daughters fuss over you and take you to a doc and phone-up everyday to see if you’ve popped-in that pill!
  • Planning a nice vacation for you and generally taking you places
  • And in general, you would be the only person to unconditionally believe that your daughter is always right no matter how wrong she is.

As a mother of two now, I realize there are so many situations and people  that I could have handled differently.  We managed to come out unscathed, a little head-strong, a little too strong-willed, but are proud of how we have turned out to be..  Your not being around has imparted one strong lesson of not ‘knowing’ fear. But only till my own children and that of my sis came into this world. Now, there is just this one thing I fear and wish for. To live a long healthy life and be available when my children and grand children need me.  I will. Love you Ma, for all the sweet memories you have left behind. Your grandchildren love you too and they know every loving word you uttered back then.

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19 thoughts on “The mother quotient

  1. I am sorry Vidya.

    I wish for you happiness and peace and for your little ones their mother always by their sides.

  2. Hi Vidya,

    A must read post, for every daughter. I just went to my mom’s place to leave my kids, who have 6 unprecedented holidays and come to work. She wanted to utter something to me, but I didn’t even wait to see her face. I just made the kids get down from my car, and waved a hurried bye and started to work. Mother is always the person who understands everything about us unconditionally.

  3. Hi Vidhu,

    When I read this, I feel the same way now the way I felt when u lost aunty . A very beautiful, soft and kind-hearted person. Well I feel her blessings are always there for the two of you and this has come a long way in every path you have tread or are going to. Well we are always there for u and Nithu………………..

  4. Since you gave me the blog link, I’ve been making up for the lost time! And reaching this, I couldn’t stop myself and here I am!

    You & Nitu are easily those few strongest women I’ve seen… Life has very well shaped up you gals into a strong, independent, and lovely ladies – now proud mother for 2 each 🙂 am sure those kids are BLESSED and are receiving the best from you gals!

    I never met aunt, which I regret till date, as I do for my mom! But she was a reason for us get together & indirectly responsible for this entire bonding in our group – u, me, gee, lv, takku, and others – wasn’t she?

    wherever she is am sure, she will be dotting on you both and her grandchildren in her own way!

    What I’ve also realized vidu is, for those not-so-blessed kids to have our moms with us, are blessed with more moms – our friend’s – say for instance our gee’s mom; aunt always treated us as her own 🙂

    Life balances out for each one of us in diff ways!

    ya, hatsoff to aunt & my mom; luv you both 🙂

    needless to say, irrespective of we meet, talk, distant, you know this for sure – We / I AM THERE FOR YOU & Nitu Whenever, Wherever, However –

  5. Oh dear Vidya, I always knew how much pain n strength you carried under those steely eyes…but this is really something else. Thank you for writing this…it helps us see you in quite a different light, I send you my best wishes, love, and strength. it takes some uncanny strength to be so vulnerable, yet so strong. Bless you loads.

  6. I came to this column….but dunno what to write……too many thoughts rush in but nothing comes out sensibly…..wanna just give you a BIGG HUG….counting my blessings.

  7. hugs Vidya.. It is very true that a mother’s impact is felt more deep when we ourself play that role. I have always thought of you as a very strong lady. Stay the same and loads of hugs..

  8. Hi Vidya.. Read your blog. We always take our Moms for granted just like our children do us. We assume that they will always be there for us. It’s really sad that you have missed many great moments with your mom. But, you and Nithya have emerged as strong individuals. Kudos to your parents for instilling that confidence in you.

  9. I was in tears when I read your blog. You,Niths and Sri are a part of our family. I have always leaned on you all when my sisters weren’t around…the doubles cycle ride with Sri, the visit to your houses, the train journey we had and many more.

    Thanks for always being there and making it memorable.

    • Aren’t we a team, Abi? :)) I can say this now, and can say forever. You all made those days memorable and still render meaning to our lives 🙂 Amma, appa, Pappi, Athi, Malini, you, geetu, now RR… Same with Takku’s family.. Love you:)

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