… and am already retrospecting..
Its another year that has taught me many a lessons.. Most are the same old lessons, but the scope and definition of certain words and phrases undergo a whole lot of changes.. I never learn!! What follows is a mix and a rant of the lessons I failed to learn, few that I got right, and the ones I’ll be working on, the coming year. So, you are warned. Read it at the risk of having a slightly bitter after-taste..
Lesson 1: Not to take ‘anyone’ for granted
No brainer. Very simple. But this seems to be a lesson in progress. Like parenting. The scope of ‘anyone’ keeps evolving. Apparently, I have been excluding some people from ‘anyone’. Which is wrong, right? Hoping to get better the coming year. But there is this creepy feeling inside that tells me I’ll never learn it fully:)
Lesson 2: Not to let ‘anyone’ take me for granted
Simpler. Tougher. Enough said. A steeper cliff this one is. Otherwise, why would I feel stupid or cheated or at times even left out?
Lesson 3: Not to preach to children what you partially believe in
This, thankfully is a lot easier. All I need to do is shut my trap and hold my tongue when my other personality tells me to get into a ‘sermon’ mode. I must learn to enable an ‘auto-off’. An example sermon – respect the elders. Which by it-self is fine. By which I mean – show care, love, help. not necessarily ‘obey’. And ‘questioning’ is not dis-respect.
Lesson 4: To discard baggage
I hate carrying a baggage.. I feel burdened.. I’ve often felt confused between judging and bad-mouthing and ‘un-burdening’.. Yes, am slightly cracked to put three different things together and even find that confusing.. But that is exactly how this retrospection started.. Something I’ve managed to do well in 2011.. Hope to do better in 2012.. I like the purged feeling at the end of it..
Lesson 5: To think more clearly
How? I don’t know.. Opportunities seem to keep presenting themselves. I will try not to get over-analytical… Ummmm… perhaps I mean to follow my gut-feeling.. Because I have found that too much analysis leads me back to the point where I started.. Like Ferdinand Magellan. But he proved a point.
Lesson 6: To forgive and to let go..
I know I sound like a saint or one of those new-age gurus.. But its something where I think I have done well too.. Many times, I have visualized gathering myself up and dusting off the dirt from my hands and feel clean all-over again..
Lesson 7: Not to redirect my anger on the kids
I’ll never learn! Which is okay.. My boys understand.. Vyas understands.. He lets me yell or yank.. And comes back to me and resumes from where we left, leaving out the bitter parts. Something that I must learn from him. Varun is beginning to understand.. One look at my face and he says “Amma, kovam vendam maa”. The ice, the lump, the heat, the wrath melts right there. While my children let me be, it would be unfair to take them for granted. So, back to lesson 1.
There are many more. But let me not get too ambitious. No particular reason to do this post now.. Every day is a new day ushering in a new year of hope and promises. Just that I think its a good time to take stock and feel blessed for all the wonderful people and things my Santa brought in, in the last 12 months, and make a conscious list of things that could have been better and make an effort to turn those things around..
I have indeed been fortunate to have my share of fun, joy, sorrow, fights, make-ups, cuddles, kisses, warmth, sunshine, rains, clouds, praises, ridicules, losses, gains, highs, plains, and lows.. all in good proportions.. Looking forward to another year where I hope ‘age’ and ‘wisdom’ meet. And find that ‘inner-peace’! Whatever that means!
Wish you all a happy journey ahead.. May your Santa bring loads of bliss, peace, and prosperity.. Merry Christmas!