Some English lessons!


Why am I reminded of that little wisdom someone shared with me a long time back-that it takes only 18 years to raise a child? 🙂

Having read one Famous Five, the 7 year old brat has declared that it is boring and ‘kiddish’ and that Enid Blyton is boring too. He’s asked me to give him something ‘interesting’ to read.

Some lessons he imparted the last couple of weeks:

Varun: ‘Madre (yeah!), do you know what ‘outlaw’ means?

Me: (?!!!) No, I don’t. Please enlighten.

Varun: An outlaw is a thief. Bad man. Do you at least know what it is to mug someone?

Me: (#$@#%#$^$!) Eh? No! Tell me.

Varun: Don’t know how you passed your exams in schools and college (rolls his eyes). To mug someone, is to steal from someone.

(Well, I’ve not been looking at the right places for lessons in English :/)

Me: That’s awesome da. Where did you learn all these?

Varun: From friends.

Me: Who are your friends?

Varun: Friends ma! You don’t even know  F.R.I.E.N.D.S? You know Ross, Chandler, Rachel, Monica, Joey.. Don’t know? Vyas’s favorite is Chandler but I like Ross.

(This is not happening! No! This is happening!)

I’d like to save the best for the last. Only that I don’t know the difference between ‘best’ and ‘hopeless’ anymore :/

Varun describes a scene from some program called ‘Community’ on Comedy Central where somebody spills a lot of wine.

Me: What is wine da?

Varun: It is the famous juice of Americans. Mostly made in 1968.

Why am I bothering with schooling when so much self-learning is happening?!!

 

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Varunisms- May’16


Deep conversations and some.. Most of our ‘serious’ conversations these days seem to start with him saying, ‘Listen, I want to tell you somethin..’. No typo there. The fellow has an acquired accent, dunno from where!

Varun: Ma, N is very bad.
Me: Why? He seems nice. He’s a star cricketer too..
Varun: I want to tell you something. (pause)
Me: Well?
Varun: Getting a grade or being a star is not important.
Me: Okay!
Varun: Really. I’m tellin you.
Me: So, what is important.
Varun: Behaviour.
Me: Oh?!!
Varun. Really. I mean, in school. At home we can be how we want.
Me: Right!

——————-

Me: You know how to fry vadams? (rice crispies if I can call it that)
Varun: Yes, I know.
Me: Tell me.
Varun: Light the gas with the firing machine and fry the vadams in fire.

Was not aware that my boy looked at a gas lighter as a firing machine;) It must be the commando games.

——————-

To confirm or make sure I heard what he said, this is how he asks:

Varun: Ma, do you copy?

[or]

Varun: Ma, do you read?

According to him, he is an FBI/CIA/Commando in the making

——————–

And this one takes the cake..

Me: Varun, it’s 11.00 PM and you are still not asleep :/
Varun: (Jumping on the bed even with the light switched off. yeah, my monkey!)
Me: You are going to get one tight spank.
Varun: (Silence for 10 seconds. He then gathers his pillow and sheet, bundles them under his arms and heads out of the room).
Me: What do you think you are doing.
Varun: I’m going to grandma’s room.
Me: Why?
Varun: Listen, I wanna tell you somethin..
Me: Listening..
Varun: I hate you.
Me: And why is that?
Varun: Because you are strict.
Me: Is that wrong now? You don’t listen if I’m not.
Varun: Be kind. Try telling kindly.
Me: Kindly how?
Varun: Try saying, “Varun, please stop playing and go to bed”.
Me: And you’ll listen?
Varun: Try me.
Me: Ok, let me get this straight. All I need to do to get you to listen is, say kindly?
Varun: Yes.
Me: Okay.

And the kindness worked for 6 days. We now go back and forth between our old and new ways 🙂 As always, never a dull moment, I tell ya!

Fourteen!


Kanna,
I remember wondering how you’d be at 14 when you were 4. And I wonder how you’d be at 24 now. I also imagine myself being a difficult mom at times and a fun mom mostly and also that special person who’ll be privy to some of your secrets 🙂 Who am I kidding!

At 14, you remind me of my teenage self- argumentative, assertive, but mostly fun. You are an awesome big-brother and here is a tiny convo with the little imp that I’d stored on my notes:

Me: Isn’t your bro a makku (meaning – a nutcase) FullSizeRender
Varun: No! Anna is a cool bro!

He is quick to come to your defense these days and for some reason thinks you know better than his parents, no matter what it is about. But there are times when he lets us in on all the TV shows you’ve been watching and he seems to know most of them. Here are some for the record- Jimmy Kimmel Live, Quantico, Mentalist, Shark Tank, Friends, Impractical Jokers, Seinfeld, Late Show with Stephen Colbert. This is the list your little bro rattles off :/ Other than Friends, I have no clue what the rest are and when you watch them. Brats!

It was also your ‘report card’ day in school today. You made us all proud by getting a certificate for good conduct and that comes before any other achievement, academic or otherwise!

On this birthday, there are a couple of things I’d like to reiterate baby, things that I’ve been talking to you about more often the last couple of years. I’d like to say it again:

  • Be that adorable anna your little bro can look up to, and be available for him always.
  • You have an enviable zest for reading, gathering information, and learning (this does not include academics ;)). Keep at it.
  • Nurture that funny bone in you. All your friends like that humorous streak in you 🙂
  • Travel all you can. Reading and travel make for organic learning and teach more than what any school or person can hope to teach. It makes you a more rounded person and heightens your sense of right and wrong. And when you know, please choose what is right.
  • Please understand when someone says, ‘NO’. It doesn’t mean anything other than NO. It could be a girl or a boy you know, a stranger, your family and friends, or someone you dearly love.
  • Just like how you appreciate when someone says NO, you be firm and say NO when you have to.
  • Put the people first, and your ego last. It might mean a compromise. It might mean you are relenting. But then, it also means you are stronger. Because, people are worth putting first, and ego is worthless.
  • Know that you are loved and dear to not only your bro, me, or appa, but the entire extended maternal and paternal family, and that makes you really, really rich 🙂

Live it up my big baby. Have fun on your 14th and all the years to come. May your Manhattan-apartment, Honda job, and several other dreams come true;) Will love you always!

Varun Bond 007


Yes, my champ, you turn 7 and I must say you are on a roll! As cutely shameless as 7-yr IMG_1821olds can get, you called or whatsapped all and sundry to remind that it was your birthday today.

Between last Feb and this, the single biggest change  I see in you is that you speak nineteen to the dozen and continue to be that drama king.  You roll your eyes in frustration, and still say the darndest things. Like you went about telling the folks in our apartment early morning to pick just one chocolate each!

FullSizeRender (2)You have style and tell the barber how and just how much of hair he can chop off your head. You run your fingers through your hair standing in front of the mirror and make sure there is no damage done to your style. Jeans are still your thing! How do you not tire of wearing them?! And you must be the only fella in entire Chennai to sport a tuxedo at 3.00 PM and not sweat. You practically gave your dad and mom a heart attack when you waxed eloquent on how to make a bomb! I hope we don’t get tracked down just because you learnt google/youtube search.

Your business idea of launching a ‘Dog Hotel’ was simply cool. Only until I knew that there was such a game and you were playing it:) But you ARE serious about doing one when you grow up. Special menu cards for the canines, a dog spa, dog rest-rooms, play area, children in attendance – all these sound cool! You have already decided the names for the ten dogs that you are going to pet when you grow up.

When everyone in our apartments was fretting over the flood water and lack of power, you woke up each morning that week asking if Wi-Fi will be restored.  And you’d go back to making paper boats of old newspapers and float them in the water till the water tired of your boats and receded as fast as it could! When will I get to talk to you about first-world problems?

But then, those talks can wait. I’d want to read to you some more, cuddle you, strike deals with you, listen to your nightmares that feature all the characters from your commando games, lose arguments with you on why you can’t go to bed with your jeans or commando gears, let you believe that iPads and TV talk to the ‘bad neurons’ and that sports, music, reading and stories talk to the ‘good neurons’, let you still be surprised to find me home when you are back from school and draw you into that glue-ey hug, see you beg, cajole your brother into finishing that game for you even if he hates it, listen to you sulk about how unfair it is to sit through the same grade for one full year, and how unfair it is that you are expected to write in school! Don’t grow up yet my Bond. There is a lot of time! I love you to bits my baby!

 

The craziest V


The soon-to-be seven’s  ambition is to become a black cop, whatever that means! Says they can be found in America. Practice sessions are in full swing.

He talks about assault rifles, snipers, bazookas, pistols, shotguns, combats, and commandos. He sets alarm to rise early and work out. Does push-ups both one hand and two hands, stretches, punches and other such wierd things. ‘To get 25 packs’, he states.

He is in full combat attire most evenings when we return home from work. Includes a head gear and mask. He partners with our apartment watchman and takes careful aim at some people on the road who he claims are in the ‘Most Wanted’ list. He is sure that a couple of the bad ‘mens’ are in disguise and alerts the watchman.

He insists on installing security system at the apartment entrance and a security vault inside our house. The purpose of the vault is to store his guns. He urges me to accompany him to the ‘security shop’ to get it. I tell him that it is very expensive and not affordable. He asks if it costs over hundred rupees. I tell him that it costs over two hundred thousands. His come back is, “Why fear when the piggy bank is here?”. We are planning to go vault-shopping soon!

Here’s until the next crazy thing.. Have a great day!

My buddy of a few months


Meet Kaaw, my morning buddy. We’ve been friends the last few months. Kaaw’s kith and IMG_1998kin fly by the kitchen window too. What makes this champ different is that, she alights on the window sill the moment I enter the kitchen, and waits for 15 full seconds without a noise. She feeds from my hands and loves chapathi, warm dosa, vada, papads, chips, and such crunchies. Kaaw hates idlies, cold dosas, rice, veggies, and bread and refuses to even take a peck. The folks who notice this blatant refusal, do not miss the opportunity to drive home the truth that even Kaaw doesn’t like my idlies :/ She turns her face away and waits till her favs arrive.

I sometimes deliberately ignore Kaaw till she announces her arrival. And the announcement comes as just a single ‘Kaaaw’ 🙂 The rest of her brood maintain a wary distance and wait for the food to be placed on the window and there is one that waits for me to disappear from the kitchen! They aren’t as selective about the food offered too. Still I look forward to engaging in the one-sided silly banter (which is moi) and feed rotis to Kaaw.. On some days, she comes back a few more times for repeat treats.. Haven’t had to disappoint her so far 🙂

 

And when in love..


… with Cricket and the Cricketer Ashwin, everything gets painted blue. Including a school project. The convo went thus:

Varun: Amma, I’ve got to make a t-shirt from a chart. Need your help.

Me: Done. I’ll do the sketching.

Varun: Okay. A round-neck t-shirt, Okay?

Me: Can we do one with a cute collar?

Varun: No ma. You just draw the shape and cut. I’ll do the ‘detailing’. (he said that!)

Me: Alright. What ‘details’ are you going to add.

Varun: I have an idea. You first cut the shape.

I draw the outline, and cut the shape. And then this chap brings out the model t-shirt and takes my help with fine-tuning his drawing. We finally end up adding a collar too because the model t-shirt has one:)

And here is output:

\

Much Ado about cricket


My little champ wakes up in the morning and comes into the living room with a bowling action.  Doesn’t let his dad off the hook till the daily dose of ‘practice’ happens. He has stuck Ravichandran Ashwin’s picture at random places in the house and sometimes blows a kiss his way.  Sharing a picture he did a few days back:

   
   
Continue to color our lives in all your bright hues little buddy 🙂