Some English lessons!

Why am I reminded of that little wisdom someone shared with me a long time ago-that it takes only 18 years to raise a child? ūüôā

Having read one Famous Five, the 7 year old brat has declared that it is boring and ‘kiddish’ and that Enid Blyton is boring too. He’s asked me to give him something ‘interesting’ to read.

Some lessons he imparted the last couple of weeks:

Varun: ‘Madre (yeah!), do you know what ‘outlaw’ means?

Me: (?!!!) No, I don’t. Please enlighten.

Varun: An outlaw is a thief. Bad man. Do you at least know what it is to mug someone?

Me: (#$@#%#$^$!) Eh? No! Tell me.

Varun: Don’t know how you passed your exams in schools and college (rolls his eyes). To mug someone, is to steal from someone.

(Well, I’ve not been looking at the right places for lessons in English :/)

Me: That’s awesome da. Where did you learn all these?

Varun: From friends.

Me: Who are your friends?

Varun: Friends ma! You don’t even know ¬†F.R.I.E.N.D.S? You know¬†Ross, Chandler, Rachel, Monica, Joey.. Don’t know? Vyas’s favorite is Chandler but I like Ross.

(This is not happening! No! This is happening!)

I’d like to save the best for the last. Only that I don’t know the difference between ‘best’ and ‘hopeless’ anymore :/

Varun describes a scene from some program called ‘Community’ on Comedy Central where somebody spills a lot of wine.

Me: What is wine da?

Varun: It is the famous juice of Americans. Mostly made in 1968.

Why am I bothering with schooling when so much self-learning is happening?!!

The little story teller

I’m sharing a couple of stories ¬†written by Varun. His stories seem to be inspired from several sources, his dreams being one such source:) I have punctuated here and there, but have left the text unedited:) ¬†Pictures of the original are attached.

The Ghost and the Zombie

One man wanted money. So villagers gave toothpick and he spent lot money with the toothpick. Every night it will be a ghost night. Villagers try to kill him but the rich man shooted the villages and one ghost night the villagers became ghosts and the rich man was a police. The ghosts touch “the” police and police became a ghost and god watched everything and ghost tuch (touch) the god and they became a ghost.

(The / end)

PS: When asked to explain the toothpicks connection, he says that they are magic ones that turn into money when water is sprinkled on them

Fishing for food

Once there lived a deer hunter. He wanted (to) go for fishing. He went and found 10000 fishes. He tried to eat and next day the deer hunter was strong.

The end

(This one comes with a moral too)

Moral: if you eat good food, you will be strong.

Tat Tvam Asi – That thou art..


1. Hi Sanskrit, bye Hindi

2. There’s a standing instruction to Vyas to fill/re-fill himself a glass of water before he sits down for his breakfast/lunch/dinner.. And 5 out of 10 times, he forgets..

Vyas: Maa, can you fetch me a glass of water?

Me: Self-help is the best help. Go, get it yourself (ya, amma trying to outdo the son’s laziness )

Vyas: *Manava seva, Madhava seva! Now, please ma, a glass of water?

*Service to fellow humans is equal to serving the lord.. Our man plays on ‘Manava’ pun (Sanskrit and manav- Hindi, for student)


An intentional error

Anya Purushaha (All men) becomes Anyaaya Purushaha (Unjust men). For once, I agree ūüėČ

An unintentional error

Gardabaha (donkey) becomes garbaha (pregnant?)

Peter Varun

1. Ma, I’m lub you.

2. I’m bournvita milk.

3. I’m auto.

4. I’m angry/happy/sad

5. I’m cry.

6. I’m fast (I’ll ride fast, I’ll eat fast etc..)

Yes. THAT, thou art!

How we got our tea!

Varun: (At around 8.00 PM) Amma, I waan tea.. I want tea..

Me: Tea? Now? Ippo poi kutti pasanga yaaravadhu tea sapuduvaala? Will any child have tea at this hour?

Varun: (thinks for a full 5 seconds before saying): Naan auto driver sir. Enakku tea kudunga! Am an auto-driver sir. Can you get me a tea?

Dad: (Rotfl-ing): Adho, tea-shop ange irukku sir (and points at a corner near a door which usually transforms into the destination of our choice, like Mambalam, Beach, Mumbai, or even a road-side tea-stall).

Our man’s face does not betray the disappointment of not having got a real cuppa-chai.. but still goes with the chimerical hot-kadak-chai and even makes a similar payment of 5 rupees after fumbling in his jeans pocket in all earnestness for a few seconds before pulling out the change!

Roles reversed

Varun has hit the tantrum-throwing peak .. I run out of all ideas of handling the fellow which, by default, includes ignoring.. He has somehow figured out that ignoring is a tactic.. So, he makes it a point to remember that he is in the ‘eye’ of the tantrum and continues with gusto..

Amma wants to give the vaandu one tight slap on his little bum, but decides to resist the urge for a little more while.. and then the amma also throws a fit and bawls loudly- the act complete with shaking hands, legs and all that..

Varun forgets what he is doing and freezes in 2 nano seconds.. Absolutely clueless about what amma is up to!

Amma does a mental ‘well done vidya’ pat to the self.. And..

Amma: Enakku andha jeench dhaan venum – I want only that pair of jeans..

Varun is a sight now with crocodile tears and one drop about to fall.. The expression on his face is priceless.. a suggestion of a smile, a twinkle in the eye, ashamed a little, but still angry and grumpy with a moist cheek which is now streaked with a little nose goo because of his rubbing his palm hard against his nose.. I wonder if he even cries through his nose:) And then..

Varun: Enna? – What? (still rubbing his nose and eyes..)

Amma: I want that blue jeans..

Varun: Adhu eerama ikku – its wet..

Amma: No, I want only that jeans..

Varun: (slightly reddens).. Adhu vachalle olandhundu ikku -its drying outside

Amma: (triumphant, but more shaking of head..) Ille, adhaan venum.. No, I want only that!

Varun: Ippo potunda, joram varum – You’ll catch fever if you wear it now.

Amma: Fever vandha enna aagum?– What’ll happen if I catch fever?

Varun: Vomit varum. coldu varum. cough-u varum. You’ll catch cold, cough and you’ll puke. He has forgotten about the tantrum by now:)

Amma: (making a sad face) Appo enna pannardhu – So, what do do now?

Varun: Naalaikku payskool-kku pottukalam sheriya? You can wear it to play school tomorrow, ok?

Amma: Double okay!!

So, for any tantrum, this is the treatment.. Has worked for nearly a week now… He’ll crack it anytime now.. I have to find newer tricks.. Anything up your sleeves?

Who is the anna?



A scene which is going through rinse-repeat cycles at home:

Me: (screaming at Vyas for some half-baked job- usually not clearing up his books mess, incomplete school work, not clearing up the bed etc)Vyas, this is the nth time I’m telling you to sort this mess!

Varun: Ammaaaa, anna-ve merattadhe! (amma, don’t threaten anna. and says that authoritatively wagging a finger at me!)
Varun again: (Turns to his anna and says): Anna, nee samathha padi-da (Anna, be a good boy and study. says it in a cajoling, sing-song manner!)

Varun: Anna, unku odambu charilliyaaa? (anna, are you not well?)
Vyas: Yes da.
Varun: Feveraa (Do you have fever?)
Vyas: Ummm..
Varun: Crocin chaapudu. sayya poidum. (Have crocin. You’ll be alright!)
Me: Varun, come here and empty your plate.
Varun: Yenakku vaendaam (I don’t want)
Me: Varun, be a good boy. Illenna, ammakku kovam varum. (Or I’ll be angry).
Varun: O-ho! Iru! (and looks out of the door for someone and calls out.) Bhoodham, inge vaa. Vandhu amma-ve merattu! (Beckons the devil to come and threaten me. says it in all earnestness!)

Me:(pointing at a tyre): Varun, what is that?

Varun: Circle!!
Me: Good, that is its shape. What is it?
Varun: Round!!!
Me: (not giving up yet..) Super. You are right. You are talking about the shape. But what is the object? Idhu enna?
Varun: (looks into my eyes for 5 full seconds and draws a circle in the air and says..) Idhu dhaan (It is this!)
I gave up.

Season’s Updates:)

Hope you all had a great Diwali!

Vyas has crossed a stage where comparisons don’t hurt him anymore.. He is okay with his 7 yr old sis and 2.8 yr old brother being comfortable with crackers.. “Its ok. Let them do it. They like it. They are not scared of fire and explosions. I don’t like it. And it scares me”, he says. He reasoned that we could have bought a beyblade base stadium in the amount we spent on crackers! Which was an amount of thousand odd rupees between 3 families. It indeed is a big amount and I totally agree that it is a huge waste of money.. The hubby and I are not ‘crackers’people. Its a different matter that I have enjoyed a loot during my school days and took great pride in breaking the of Waterbury’s tonic bottles by using them as rocket ‘launchers’ or competing with friends on who will light the max number of atom bombs and Lakshmi vedis held in hand and thrown aloft just before it explodes. Looking back, i now realize how dangerous it was and how stupid I have been. But then, I don’t remember my parents or those of my friends supervising! We all used to sun-dry the crackers for a week before Diwali and pray hard for the rain-gods to stay away (RM, are you reading this.. those were the only times I did not want rains:)) With Vyas, we have wanted him to outgrow the fear and it doesn’t help with a house full of cousins, aunts and uncles having fun bursting crackers and only your child has withdrawn into a room, shutting both the ears with the hands. He did not withdraw as much this time, but managed to ‘stay away’. I’m giving up this effort from the next year because I realize it is not worth it. We all have our bogarts isn’t it?

It has been a different story with Varun. Few high’lights’:

Varun lights a flower pot with his dad in tow. Is awed by the effect and goes — waaaaaaaaooowwww! And follows it up with several wows every time he lights one! Anna is miffed and thinks we are putting his baby-brother at risk.

Varun: Dei anna, vaa daa, pattachu vedhikalaa.. (respected anna, come, let us fire crackers)

Vyas: Naan varale (am not coming)

Varun: Jollyaa ikkun daaaa (it will be fun..)

Vyas: Nee vedi da. Am not coming! (you go ahead..)


Amma: Naan light off panna poren! (am switching off the light!)

Varun: pleeeese maaa.. spyinmins kaeeechi. (any guesses people?)

He loves watching movie songs. A discreet attempt at switching channels when something ugly comes up, is met with- enakku dappankutthu pakkanummmm.. Someone save me pleazzzz!!

His current fav songs are :

Bum bum bole from Taare Zameen Par
Ennamo edho from Kho
Kaalankaathale from Vengai(its anna’s current fav too though he wouldn’t admit.. rolls his eyes when challenged!)
Enna solla pore from Vengai?

Hosanna from VTV remains his all time fav.

He sang, he danced and was generally living it up!
Being a true V-blood, he has inherited our famous temper. No hints here. EVERYONE in the v-household is short-tempered, and Varun is no exception. The only difference is that he is utterly cute at such times (if i may say so myself:))! He calls us all names and how-

He lets out a quick –raaaskall– and realizes he has made a mistake because he steals a quick glance at me and catches me glaring at him. Wanting to believe that he didn’t actually say it, continues with – rashagulla (rasagulla), gulaap champhan (gulaab jaamun), myshoor-paak (mysore-pak).. The anna is of course, not content.. he helps him with kaju kathli, doodh peda, jalebi, badam halwa etc.. Yes, it was in keeping with the Diwali season:) Like always, I counseled myself with – This too shall pass! And I hope it does.

PS: Am resisting the urge to provide a Junoon-translation (remember) of the kidspeak.. excuse the ones that still make their way here:)) The Junoon Tamizh deserves not one but several separate posts:)

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