Things you shouldn’t do early in the morning


Varun walks out of the bedroom on a Sunday morning, still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Looks at the big bro meddling with mom’s smartphone. Walks up to him and snatches it from his hand, puts it back on the table and says, “No gadgets early in the morning”!

Sometime later, the dad walks into the room and switches on the TV. Some cricket match in progress. The little man walks up to the TV and switches it off. “No gadgets so early in the morning”, he says.  The time is 10.30 AM. This time he comes straight to the mommy and does a high-five.

All is well with this world.

Jokes or hints?


Vyas, for some reason, is sharing quite a few contextual jokes with the mom and dad these days.  Sample this:

To mom:

“Ma, read this joke where A tells B that a brilliant artist can change a smiling face into a crying one with a single stroke.  For which B says that his mom does it with equal ease”!

To dad:

“Pa, a teacher tests a kid for his numerical abilities.  She asks him how much money will he have if he already has six rupees with him and his dad gives him ten more. To which, the kid answers that he’ll have six rupees. The teacher frets and says, “You don’t know basic addition”. The kid says, “You don’t know my dad”!

#Discretion #cheekiness #toomuch!

Bangalore days and some more..


Deepavali back then meant my paternal grandma’s formula ‘legiyam’ or ‘lehyam’, my mom’s Mysore pak , rangolies, crackers, and tailored dress for the sis and I from the same cloth or at least of the same design but with different colors on them! The biggest work item assigned to us on this day would be to distribute sweets to all our neighbors in our colony, and that we did happily .

A few of my friends from our colony and I would collect empty ‘Waterbury’s Compound Red Label’ bottles and stash them away in a secret place to be used during Diwali. The open playground outside our row of houses used to be heaven. I was notorious back then too and have had very close misses with the abuse of crackers. My favorite prank was to snuff the narrow mouth of the Waterbury’s bottle’s with the rockets and pull just the wick out. The cracker would snugly fit in the mouth like a cork. The bottle would explode to pieces when the cracker burst.  I must’ve been pretty lucky because there were no accidents except once when a piece flew straight at me and tore my forearm slightly the last Diwali we were in Bangalore. Of course my parents were not aware that it was me and were busy heaping curses on some random rowdy kids resorting to such deadly pranks. I’d go mute too and so would all the partners in crime! Life since Bangalore days seems fast-forwarded!

Diwali makes me all nostalgic. Somehow, no Diwali after Bangalore ones have been the same. I guess growing up makes you all boring and serious at times J Crackers are not interesting anymore. New clothes are fine, but yeah, it is available more easily as opposed to the days when birthdays used to be the only other occasion that commanded the same respect. Sweets and savories are consumed with a touch of guilt too. Again, these are not restricted any more to occasions like Diwali or wedding. There are more special occasions now than the normal days, so much so that normal days start feeling special and you feel the need to celebrate!

But then, growing up also hurls you into another phase where you realize you are fortunate to be where you are, to be surrounded by your loved ones, to know that the other dear ones are just a call or email away and they’d be thinking and talking about you just the way you do about them, that you are free to be who you are than to be what the others expect of you, that you can fight tooth and nail to defend your thoughts and actions and not be judged for it, that you are blessed with a sense to accept your loved ones with all the dents, fractures, plasters, and their beautiful hearts just like how you are accepted..

Growing up also makes us (ok, at least me!) sentimental! Happy Diwali to you, all the wonderful people I’ve known. May this Diwali and every other Diwali light up your lives with good health, positive thoughts, and abundant joy. Always.

Moral of a story


Varun, like his Anna, loves stories and story books. He at times narrates stories taught in school and always finishes it with the moral of the story 🙂

Last night, I read Pied Piper to Varun. When I asked him what the moral of this story was, he said,

“If you pay money to other people, they will be ready to do everything”

Isn’t’ that some moral?!

PS: For the benefit of those who don’t know the story, it is about the chap, the Pied Piper, who helps drive away thousands of rats (using his music) from a miserly town called Hamelin. The townsfolk pay the Pied Piper just one gold coin going against their promise of paying him a 100 coins. As a revenge, he lures away the kids from the town to a distant land where the children grow up into unselfish and happy adults.

Kids, cars, ads..


Did I tell you that Vyas is into automobiles lately? He is also a beeeeg fan of Honda and has even been defending their recent recall of some cars due to defective inflators. He tells everyone that he is going to become an automobile engineer and will join Honda. You’d think he already has an offer letter from the company! Well, that is some change of plan considering he originally wanted to become a ‘garbage collector’.

Vyas’s favorite magazine now is Autocar India. He doesn’t miss a word, starting from the title to the copyright information at the end of the book, every month. Will never be bored of talking for hours together on the auto-specs to any random person walking this planet. It doesn’t matter even if the listener is not interested.

The big brother’s influence rubs onto the little fella too. Varun though seems to prefer style over substance. His favorite car (he says), is the Lamborghini Murcielago. Next fav. is the Bugatti Veyron. BMW comes third and last is Honda. The other vendors are not in the reckoning at all. He can keep gawking at the various pics of the various sporty cars in the various car mags and books at home!

Car-craze plus commercials does something to kids. Here’s is a sample..

The other day, Varun was watching a BMW ad. He turned to his dad and said,

Varun: “Appa, shall we buy a BMW”

Dad V: “I don’t have the money to buy one”

Varun: “Listen pa. It is easy. Call Quikr. They’ll give more money for our Honda City.”

Mommy/daddy- *facepalm*

Vyas: Hey, Honda is the best. Appa, you retain the Honda. Buy us a BMW.

Dad V: Ok, will check if it available at Connexions tomorrow.

Told you. Vs are like that only!

Guns of (Na)Varun


Much to the mommy’s chagrin, the little man fancies guns among other things. He also thinks shooting is kinda cool 😦 When I try and make him see how it is all wrong, he is quick to clarify that there is good shooting and bad shooting. When police aims at the thieves or the ‘bad mens’, it is good shooting. When ‘bad mens’ shoot police or at the ‘good peoples’, well , it is bad shooting. Phew!

The sacrifice mommy has made so far includes a brand new Oriflame kajal stick. The kajal now adorns the walls as ‘black- arts’, and the case is now a part of the many pieces of random objects that go into assembling a gun. Yes, he has taken a fancy to making guns, mostly using clothes clips, pen caps, twigs, legos, et al. Here are some pics of what he created. Mommy now thinks guns need not always be lethal, but can just be beautiful.

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Gift of the gab


Varun: What?! U.K.G means going to school every day?! No way!

Me: Err… ummm.. It is not like….

Vyas (interrupting my defence): No da Varun.. You don’t have to go everyday. UKG means, 5 days school and 2 days holidays. And the process repeats. Again 5 days school and 2 days holidays and so on. After a few cycles like that, you’ll get about 50 days holidays and you’ll be in the 1st grade!

Varun is convinced. Only, I don’t know why!

Exams


Vyas is just getting annoyingly better with his play of words.

With the final exams on, and he really having to ‘prepare’, I, like a responsible mom (a mom is allowed to imagine, okay!), set up a tiny objective question paper for his science exam. Exams are in the afternoon with a day off between each exam. So, he has all the time in the world to brush through. Being his mom’s son has some disadvantages. Like lethargy. Which is why, to make things easier, I give him a set of questions to answer, instead of having to do spend time in all the lessons.

Before I leave for work, I give it to him and ask him to work out. He says, ‘This paper examines my patience. The one they’d give in school will examine my science skills’.

Right.

How far is far?


Varun: Ma, go far away.
Me: ??!! Eh? What?
Varun: I said, go far away.
Me: Far? How far? Where?
Varun: Far enough for me to look at you through my Monocular.

Phew!! Thank my lucky stars for the small mercies. He doesn’t really want me to go that very far. At least, not yet.